Today I was showering Katie with kisses when I asked her, "What am I going to do in the fall when you are at school all day in first grade?"
Without missing a beat she said, "I don't know, maybe work on never getting breast cancer again?"
I told her that was a great idea.
7/15/08
7/10/08
She's kick bad word
Bill has an ability to love something quite fervently, in spite of that thing's very obvious shortcomings. Most of the time, it's very lucky I have a husband with this quality as I am usually the thing he loves with the obvious shortcomings! Sometimes, though, I pay for this abundant love of his - I'd like to reference his deep love for the Detroit Tigers, which made it through the disappointing 1990s unscathed (he still watched almost every game), and also his affection for one particular songwriter and his band.
Bill loves this band (which I'll keep unnamed because I don't want its name to be smeared by the wife of its biggest fan) so much, and others love it so little that he has been to at least one concert where there were only 7 people in the crowd. Personally, I don't really dislike the band...I just can't muster up the same level of devotion for it that Bill can, and this sometimes pains him (like the time when there were 7 people in the crowd and not 8...).
Luckily for Bill, though, we've been able to make fans for this band. Just the other day I was driving in his car with Emma and she started belting out the lyrics to one of the songs! I felt so glad for Bill, that he had someone to share this music with (who doesn't live on another continent, apparently their fan base is much larger on other continents). I was so glad...until the next song came on.
Why does my husband blare the song "She's Kick Ass!" at full volume each day while driving Emma to school? He does change the lyrics to make them appropriate for her life - instead of "She don't ever need another man" he sings "She don't ever need another DAD" - but that is overshadowed by the fact that he sings the next lyrics at the top of his voice - "She's Kick ASS!" The song goes on to repeat this line, 12 times until it is suddenly over. It is this charming lack of lyrical variation which dampened my affection for the songs in the first place.
Luckily for me, Emma warned me after I had heard that first line that "he just says that over and over and that's the whole song!" (I had changed the song, horrified, after the first line.) Later, when Bill was around, I launched into my lecture -This is not a good song for our kids! Not to mention that I kind of liked the phrase "kick ass" and now it's ruined for me as I hear it in this guy's droning voice only. I don't care if Emma KNOWS it's a bad word and has promised not to use it. (When she sings the song she sings "She's kick BAD WORD! She's kick BAD WORD! She's kick BAD WORD!)
The song has given a nice frame of reference though... The other night I thought the kids were sleeping and allowed myself to cry about the upcoming chemo treatment and how much I didn't want to do it, only to find out they were awake and worried. I had to explain to Emma (she wasn't as easily reassured as Katie was) that there are 2 me's. One is the regular mom she knows and the other is a totally different girl- a super tough cancer patient. Regular mom might be scared of feeling sick or getting poked or other things, but the super tough girl isn't. I turn into the tougher girl for a few days to get through the treatment because she can handle it. She's kick bad word!
Bill loves this band (which I'll keep unnamed because I don't want its name to be smeared by the wife of its biggest fan) so much, and others love it so little that he has been to at least one concert where there were only 7 people in the crowd. Personally, I don't really dislike the band...I just can't muster up the same level of devotion for it that Bill can, and this sometimes pains him (like the time when there were 7 people in the crowd and not 8...).
Luckily for Bill, though, we've been able to make fans for this band. Just the other day I was driving in his car with Emma and she started belting out the lyrics to one of the songs! I felt so glad for Bill, that he had someone to share this music with (who doesn't live on another continent, apparently their fan base is much larger on other continents). I was so glad...until the next song came on.
Why does my husband blare the song "She's Kick Ass!" at full volume each day while driving Emma to school? He does change the lyrics to make them appropriate for her life - instead of "She don't ever need another man" he sings "She don't ever need another DAD" - but that is overshadowed by the fact that he sings the next lyrics at the top of his voice - "She's Kick ASS!" The song goes on to repeat this line, 12 times until it is suddenly over. It is this charming lack of lyrical variation which dampened my affection for the songs in the first place.
Luckily for me, Emma warned me after I had heard that first line that "he just says that over and over and that's the whole song!" (I had changed the song, horrified, after the first line.) Later, when Bill was around, I launched into my lecture -This is not a good song for our kids! Not to mention that I kind of liked the phrase "kick ass" and now it's ruined for me as I hear it in this guy's droning voice only. I don't care if Emma KNOWS it's a bad word and has promised not to use it. (When she sings the song she sings "She's kick BAD WORD! She's kick BAD WORD! She's kick BAD WORD!)
The song has given a nice frame of reference though... The other night I thought the kids were sleeping and allowed myself to cry about the upcoming chemo treatment and how much I didn't want to do it, only to find out they were awake and worried. I had to explain to Emma (she wasn't as easily reassured as Katie was) that there are 2 me's. One is the regular mom she knows and the other is a totally different girl- a super tough cancer patient. Regular mom might be scared of feeling sick or getting poked or other things, but the super tough girl isn't. I turn into the tougher girl for a few days to get through the treatment because she can handle it. She's kick bad word!
7/9/08
Early Detection is key...
Check out Ellyn's website again today...she mentioned the website checkyourboobies.org, where you can sign up to be reminded to do your monthly breast exams! Thank you, Ellyn, for helping me to remember to spread the word...lately, I have been only thinking of how I can get through this next 4 weeks (when I should be thinking of the bigger picture).
Doing your monthly self-exam is key, especially for your younger women. First of all, not all young women are having mammograms (I had not yet had one, for example). Secondly, mammograms aren't even that great at detecting cancer in younger women due to the denser nature of their breasts. Lastly, the cancer found in a younger woman is often of a more aggressive grade (like mine was) and the prognosis is worse. Early detection is key!
And now I am going to go to bed...tomorrow is chemo day #5. Oh joy! But I am seriously glad to be doing this treatment because of what it could mean for my future...and I hope to remember that tomorrow when the yuckiness begins again!
Doing your monthly self-exam is key, especially for your younger women. First of all, not all young women are having mammograms (I had not yet had one, for example). Secondly, mammograms aren't even that great at detecting cancer in younger women due to the denser nature of their breasts. Lastly, the cancer found in a younger woman is often of a more aggressive grade (like mine was) and the prognosis is worse. Early detection is key!
And now I am going to go to bed...tomorrow is chemo day #5. Oh joy! But I am seriously glad to be doing this treatment because of what it could mean for my future...and I hope to remember that tomorrow when the yuckiness begins again!
7/8/08
Log your miles, help support those dealing with breast cancer
My friend Ellyn found this website, beewellmiles.com, which is sponsored by Bumble Bee Foods. At the website, you can log and track the miles that you walk, map your route, read articles about tips and training...even play "heart healthy Sudoku" (seems funny to add that on to the site - walk and do healthy things, or play sudoku on the computer? But I bet I'll try that too!) They are "collecting" miles up until September 30th, and will donate up to $200,000 to the Y-Me National Breast Cancer Organization, which provides a hotline and support for people going through breast cancer and treatment.
It seems like a pretty fun little website...and I always like to keep track of various training-related totals as it makes me feel good about myself! It is fun to see those miles add up, though.
It seems like a pretty fun little website...and I always like to keep track of various training-related totals as it makes me feel good about myself! It is fun to see those miles add up, though.
Overheard game of hide-and-go-seek
First: "One-Two-Sebben-Three-Two-Three...I come!"
Then: lots of giggling and screeching when Nathan finds Emma!
Last: "OK, Emma's turn!" "NO, Cubby count!"
And the cycle repeats itself, over and over, as such a thing would when an almost 3-year old is involved!
Then: lots of giggling and screeching when Nathan finds Emma!
Last: "OK, Emma's turn!" "NO, Cubby count!"
And the cycle repeats itself, over and over, as such a thing would when an almost 3-year old is involved!
7/2/08
Rising to the challenge
Today is my wedding anniversary...9 years ago, after 7 years of togetherness (and some procrastination, this motherless daughter was afraid of planning a wedding), Bill and I were married. I think that I may have mentioned that Emma was a little surprise to us which spurred on the end to the procrastination. From the first moment I knew she was coming, I felt like she was a little miracle, a little person I wanted to have around, even if the timing was a little crazy (I found out I was pregnant the day I sent in my tuition deposit for MSU's College of Veterinary Medicine). Unfortunately, not everyone I was close to at that time responded as favorably to our situation (Catholic upbringing in a modern world), which is something that always weighs heavily on my heart on this day.
On top of the heaviness some sad words have left on my heart which I have not been able to shake, I've had other sad thoughts today. Last night I overheard my wonderful daughter discussing her breasts and the eventuality of their growth, the fact that she will feed babies with them, etc. Little Nathan was asking "Why" to everything, as he always does, probably while looking at himself in the bath, and she was doing her best as an older and wiser 8.5 year old girl to answer his questions. Hearing my girl answer these questions so matter-of-factly, her peaceful acknowledgement of the fact that she will grow up, did not lessen the impact that her words left on me. Fear ripped through my heart when I thought of the possibility of her breasts developing, because I know about the mutation I may or may not have given to her. Yes, she will grow up and develop...and then what?
And lastly, because this is just how 2008 has been for me, I've been dealing with some flu-like symptoms today (every special day of this year has been marred by cancer or illness). It has left me with lots of time to lie around and think of sad things.
The good thing about spending time with one's thoughts is that hopefully, with enough effort, one can direct them in the way that they need to go. Today after mulling over this day in my own history and the scariness that the future may or may not have in store (today I am afraid for my children more than for myself), I have come to the realization that my only choice is to, again, rise to the challenge in front of me. I don't know what is in store for myself or for my beloved children, but I can use my life, my hours, my time, to make it as good as it can be. 9 years ago, Bill and I took a surprise and made it into the most wonderful thing. We had a beautiful wedding, we have a beautiful family, and we proved to ourselves and others what you can do if there is enough love in the mix. It is just time for us to keep doing that, even if the surprises, like the one I got this year, are not always so happy!
So today, we practiced rising to the challenge again. Bill stayed home to be mom for the day while I rested. I made myself think better thoughts! And our children rose to the challenge as well. When Bill told Emma about our anniversary, Emma said, "Oh I'm sorry Mom isn't feeling good on your birthday! Can I make you dinner tonight? I know how to make macaroni and cheese..." And she did...we had a lovely dinner of macaroni and cheese, she made cards - "Happy Anniversary! From the whole family and the pets!", and Katie washed the dishes while Nathan provided comic entertainment. Isn't it amazing how the love that you put in just grows and grows?
On top of the heaviness some sad words have left on my heart which I have not been able to shake, I've had other sad thoughts today. Last night I overheard my wonderful daughter discussing her breasts and the eventuality of their growth, the fact that she will feed babies with them, etc. Little Nathan was asking "Why" to everything, as he always does, probably while looking at himself in the bath, and she was doing her best as an older and wiser 8.5 year old girl to answer his questions. Hearing my girl answer these questions so matter-of-factly, her peaceful acknowledgement of the fact that she will grow up, did not lessen the impact that her words left on me. Fear ripped through my heart when I thought of the possibility of her breasts developing, because I know about the mutation I may or may not have given to her. Yes, she will grow up and develop...and then what?
And lastly, because this is just how 2008 has been for me, I've been dealing with some flu-like symptoms today (every special day of this year has been marred by cancer or illness). It has left me with lots of time to lie around and think of sad things.
The good thing about spending time with one's thoughts is that hopefully, with enough effort, one can direct them in the way that they need to go. Today after mulling over this day in my own history and the scariness that the future may or may not have in store (today I am afraid for my children more than for myself), I have come to the realization that my only choice is to, again, rise to the challenge in front of me. I don't know what is in store for myself or for my beloved children, but I can use my life, my hours, my time, to make it as good as it can be. 9 years ago, Bill and I took a surprise and made it into the most wonderful thing. We had a beautiful wedding, we have a beautiful family, and we proved to ourselves and others what you can do if there is enough love in the mix. It is just time for us to keep doing that, even if the surprises, like the one I got this year, are not always so happy!
So today, we practiced rising to the challenge again. Bill stayed home to be mom for the day while I rested. I made myself think better thoughts! And our children rose to the challenge as well. When Bill told Emma about our anniversary, Emma said, "Oh I'm sorry Mom isn't feeling good on your birthday! Can I make you dinner tonight? I know how to make macaroni and cheese..." And she did...we had a lovely dinner of macaroni and cheese, she made cards - "Happy Anniversary! From the whole family and the pets!", and Katie washed the dishes while Nathan provided comic entertainment. Isn't it amazing how the love that you put in just grows and grows?
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