2/5/09
Getting tired of the cold...
I've been trying not to complain, but I'm missing my garden. I do have 40 pansies started under a grow light...but they aren't making up for the other plants I'm missing. I guess I'll just have to look at pictures of my plants...
My Irish Setter
Should I be alarmed that my puppy may stay a puppy for the next 4-5 years? (Just read that as I browsed through this book...) This could mean extended games of keep-away with valuable stuffed animals (valuable to the kids, not me) for 4-5 years, spiking levels of adrenaline coursing through my veins every few minutes for 4-5 years. YIKES.
On the positive side, I think this crazy energy is going to serve us well. I had such a great time with the pup this weekend, as she bounded through 2 feet of snow off the path we were following. Part of me was annoyed when she was snatching hats off of the kids and running off into the snow with them, but then part of me loved having the crazy little thing chasing us on the sled (and I took an evil sort of pleasure out of making her slide down the hill on a sled with us). It's good for the family to choose outside time, and active time, over sedentary time in the house - and the puppy is forcing us to do that. For if we don't, "a bored dog will find something to do, which often manifests itself in some type of destructive behavior." I don't think I want to figure out what that destructive behavior might be...
Anyway, here is my favorite sentence of the book: "The Irish Setter companion dog relates well to every member of his family, regardless of his or her age, and the dog's loyalty, especially to children, is absolute." Did you read that, Bill? She's going to be just perfect for us.
On the positive side, I think this crazy energy is going to serve us well. I had such a great time with the pup this weekend, as she bounded through 2 feet of snow off the path we were following. Part of me was annoyed when she was snatching hats off of the kids and running off into the snow with them, but then part of me loved having the crazy little thing chasing us on the sled (and I took an evil sort of pleasure out of making her slide down the hill on a sled with us). It's good for the family to choose outside time, and active time, over sedentary time in the house - and the puppy is forcing us to do that. For if we don't, "a bored dog will find something to do, which often manifests itself in some type of destructive behavior." I don't think I want to figure out what that destructive behavior might be...
Anyway, here is my favorite sentence of the book: "The Irish Setter companion dog relates well to every member of his family, regardless of his or her age, and the dog's loyalty, especially to children, is absolute." Did you read that, Bill? She's going to be just perfect for us.
2/4/09
One year ago...or, don't give me that look
About one year ago today, I was lying in bed after a fun vacation day in Orlando, and found a lump. Then I made Bill feel it, and though I tried to go back to our Disney vacation, I knew in the back of my mind that I had a situation on my hands. I could see it in his face. My husband is not a worrier, and he didn't go crazy with worry starting that night, but I knew this had registered with him as something to worry about. I could just tell, even though he said nothing (other than, "whatever it is, we will take care of it.")
And as we all know, it WAS something...but it even felt like something from the start. A hard lump, (it seemed to be a bit smaller than the size of a quarter, if a quarter was a sphere) way inside my small and saggy breast. It only took one more appointment for me to know for sure (my GYN is not a worrier, either, but he had the same look that Bill did), and one more appointment for me to get firm confirmation. None of the mammogram or ultrasound technologists or the radiologist who performed my biopsy even had a look of hopefulness, or offhandedness, about what was going on. They didn't tell me what they thought, but I could tell from their faces.
So, without anyone telling me that I should expect that this was breast cancer, I was expecting it, just from the look on their faces. But though I was expecting to hear the words "breast cancer", I can't say I knew what breast cancer treatment would be like. Luckily you have time to learn these things as you go along!
So now, one whole year has passed since those first looks on people's faces. Here I sit, knowing more about breast cancer than I ever thought I would know in a lifetime (and of course, it's still not enough...when someone asks me for advice, I still don't quite know what to say, because each situation is so different, each cancer is so different - even within the realm of breast cancer). What do you do when you are given the all-clear - no more appointments (or at least, far, far fewer appointments), surgeries, chemotherapy, baldness, wigs, hats, hats, and more hats, more surgeries, and more strange bra situations than I ever hope to have again? I'm sitting here with a different-looking chest, and crazy hair, but I'm in the same seat, and the same person that I was a year ago.
I guess what I can do is embrace life. Try to make a difference (however it all happens, because I still don't know quite how I will make the difference I want to make in the world). And HOPE HOPE HOPE that I don't ever get those looks again!
And as we all know, it WAS something...but it even felt like something from the start. A hard lump, (it seemed to be a bit smaller than the size of a quarter, if a quarter was a sphere) way inside my small and saggy breast. It only took one more appointment for me to know for sure (my GYN is not a worrier, either, but he had the same look that Bill did), and one more appointment for me to get firm confirmation. None of the mammogram or ultrasound technologists or the radiologist who performed my biopsy even had a look of hopefulness, or offhandedness, about what was going on. They didn't tell me what they thought, but I could tell from their faces.
So, without anyone telling me that I should expect that this was breast cancer, I was expecting it, just from the look on their faces. But though I was expecting to hear the words "breast cancer", I can't say I knew what breast cancer treatment would be like. Luckily you have time to learn these things as you go along!
So now, one whole year has passed since those first looks on people's faces. Here I sit, knowing more about breast cancer than I ever thought I would know in a lifetime (and of course, it's still not enough...when someone asks me for advice, I still don't quite know what to say, because each situation is so different, each cancer is so different - even within the realm of breast cancer). What do you do when you are given the all-clear - no more appointments (or at least, far, far fewer appointments), surgeries, chemotherapy, baldness, wigs, hats, hats, and more hats, more surgeries, and more strange bra situations than I ever hope to have again? I'm sitting here with a different-looking chest, and crazy hair, but I'm in the same seat, and the same person that I was a year ago.
I guess what I can do is embrace life. Try to make a difference (however it all happens, because I still don't know quite how I will make the difference I want to make in the world). And HOPE HOPE HOPE that I don't ever get those looks again!
2/3/09
Did you miss me?
Ha ha...I know there are better things to do than to read the ramblings of this cancer has-been...and I am happy to be a cancer has-been! My oncologist is insistent with me on that point - any time I enter into his office with my giant list of questions derived from hours upon hours of Bill's research, he laughs at me and tells me "You're cured!"
Anyway, I'm a happy girl, despite more rumblings in cancer world (again, not mine, but still, it's troubling). How can I not be happy? I still have my wonderful family, and extended family. I have no more surgeries on the horizon and my hair is growing (albeit slowly, and darkly). I had a great weekend at my parent's cottage - full of nature walks and impromptu sledding down hills on those walks (I even went down a hill with Dagny on the sled, and then once with crazy Hope!). I am fully back to all motherhood activities.
I'm even filling in my extra moments dreaming of what I can do next, which was something I couldn't really do much of last year. Something about over 61 doctors' appointments - driving to them, waiting for them, recovering from them - that sucked up a lot of dreaming time. It was a dream to even feel normal during those 11 months...and hard to think past that except to plan for how to get through the next round.
Anyway, it is great to be alive, friends and family! I know hard stuff is always around another corner, but for now I am going to just relish the present. Here's a little quote from Kung Fu Panda (probably from somewhere else first, but Kung Fu Panda is our latest Lucken obsession): The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
Anyway, I'm a happy girl, despite more rumblings in cancer world (again, not mine, but still, it's troubling). How can I not be happy? I still have my wonderful family, and extended family. I have no more surgeries on the horizon and my hair is growing (albeit slowly, and darkly). I had a great weekend at my parent's cottage - full of nature walks and impromptu sledding down hills on those walks (I even went down a hill with Dagny on the sled, and then once with crazy Hope!). I am fully back to all motherhood activities.
I'm even filling in my extra moments dreaming of what I can do next, which was something I couldn't really do much of last year. Something about over 61 doctors' appointments - driving to them, waiting for them, recovering from them - that sucked up a lot of dreaming time. It was a dream to even feel normal during those 11 months...and hard to think past that except to plan for how to get through the next round.
Anyway, it is great to be alive, friends and family! I know hard stuff is always around another corner, but for now I am going to just relish the present. Here's a little quote from Kung Fu Panda (probably from somewhere else first, but Kung Fu Panda is our latest Lucken obsession): The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
Thank you to our generous donors!
Katie is very excited to put on her jumping shoes on February 5th for Jump Rope for Heart.
Thank you so much to the following people who donated to the American Heart Association!
Bonnie, Jeff, and precious Paige Kenewell
Lori, Dan and smart-and-handsome Hayden Buckfire
Amy, Chris, and magical Matthew Kay
Julie, Tyler, and precious Natalie Gibbs
John and Nancy Carroll
Melissa Marzorati-Bergmann and family
Joann Wilcox
Sybil Kenewell
Madeline and cutie-pie Campbell Parks (and Tara and Doug)
Thank you so much to such great friends and family! This means so much to our family...it is fun for the kids to be involved in doing something special in honor of their family members!
Thank you so much to the following people who donated to the American Heart Association!
Bonnie, Jeff, and precious Paige Kenewell
Lori, Dan and smart-and-handsome Hayden Buckfire
Amy, Chris, and magical Matthew Kay
Julie, Tyler, and precious Natalie Gibbs
John and Nancy Carroll
Melissa Marzorati-Bergmann and family
Joann Wilcox
Sybil Kenewell
Madeline and cutie-pie Campbell Parks (and Tara and Doug)
Thank you so much to such great friends and family! This means so much to our family...it is fun for the kids to be involved in doing something special in honor of their family members!
1/23/09
Jumping for her Grandma
As some of my readers might know, my Mom passed away at the young age of 38 from what we suspect was a massive heart attack. (She had chest pains the night before, and her father had also died of a massive heart attack at the age of 50, so though an autopsy wasn't done, we have concluded it was a heart attack.) She left behind 3 daughters, ages 12 (me), 10, and 8.
Last year, Emma was one of the highest fundraisers in her school for Jump Rope for Heart, a fundraiser benefiting the American Heart Association. This year, Katie has a chance to try her hand at the Jump Rope for the first time.
If you would like to donate to Katie's big jump, we would love it! This website takes credit card donations in amounts larger than $25 (what is up with that? I think a lower minimum might be nicer)...but if you would like to donate we are happy to accept any amount! (Mail it to me, or drop it off...)
Last year, Emma was one of the highest fundraisers in her school for Jump Rope for Heart, a fundraiser benefiting the American Heart Association. This year, Katie has a chance to try her hand at the Jump Rope for the first time.
If you would like to donate to Katie's big jump, we would love it! This website takes credit card donations in amounts larger than $25 (what is up with that? I think a lower minimum might be nicer)...but if you would like to donate we are happy to accept any amount! (Mail it to me, or drop it off...)
1/22/09
Breast Cancer Evidence Watch
Since my breast cancer diagnosis in February of 2008 (11 months ago), my husband has become somewhat of an avid reader of breast cancer research. That is putting it mildly...he is always telling me about something new - whether it is something about my own situation (triple negative breast cancer, BRCA1 genetic defect, non-basal breast cancer, or just plain old invasive ductal carcinoma) or something pertaining to breast cancer in general.
In general, we are reading things that are a bit more specific and scientific...by now we aren't swooning every time we read somethng in the local paper, on msn.com, or in other mass media publications about breast cancer. There are so many places to find information, and so much weeding through needs to be done to get to the basic, nitty-gritty facts. Where can you go for news that is up-to-the-minute, scientifically precise and accurate, and with good recommendations for my unique type of breast cancer (because everyone's breast cancer has so many unique variables, it can be confusing)?
From all of these months of research, this is our very favorite site: http://breastcancer.evidencewatch.com/
The medical researcher who put this site together is an amazing man (one of our cancer heroes) - composing documents on effective CAMs (Complementary Alternative Medicines) based on hundreds of research articles. His advice has led to a pretty decent daily dosage of vitamin supplements for me, and he has had an opinion on every question my husband has ever come across.
We love doing whatever we can do to prevent a recurrence, and feel lucky to have come across this website, and this very knowledgeable individual!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
