9/14/10
a spot for garden musings...
You can find me here, writing about my garden, my chickens, and my rambling thoughts.
5/18/10
Taking a break
I love this blog. It saved my sanity at a time when I had a LOT to work out. It connected me with strangers who became my friends, it made friends out of my acquaintances, and it even brought me closer to my closer set of friends and family members. I could never have dreamed up the advantages that blogging provided me with during my chemo year (and beyond).
However, when I set up this blog as a way to talk about my breast cancer and disseminate information, I chose to have the title be my name. I couldn't think up anything snappy (still can't), but also saw the value in making it simple. If people wanted to know what was going on with our family in the middle of the cancer year, they could look it up pretty easily. Try a few variations of Pam Lucken and blogger, and you could find me! It was a great tool for me when I was sharing information that was good to share.
Happily, my life isn't really about my own breast cancer story anymore. I don't have news to share with a bunch of people at one time. Unhappily, though...I feel like I have some bigger issues than my Stage I Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (not to encourage it to come back bigger and more deadly...I'm hoping it will stay a non-issue!). I'm doing just fine...but the cancers that have affected my life that are NOT my own have been harder for me to deal with than my own was. It's hard currently for me to think about my breast cancer year without guilt and sadness. My dad's pancreatic cancer struggle and my mother-in-law's lung cancer have really put things into perspective for me.
I hope I will keep writing, or that if I stop, that I will one day start again. Thanks for reading
and let's hope for good days ahead!
However, when I set up this blog as a way to talk about my breast cancer and disseminate information, I chose to have the title be my name. I couldn't think up anything snappy (still can't), but also saw the value in making it simple. If people wanted to know what was going on with our family in the middle of the cancer year, they could look it up pretty easily. Try a few variations of Pam Lucken and blogger, and you could find me! It was a great tool for me when I was sharing information that was good to share.
Happily, my life isn't really about my own breast cancer story anymore. I don't have news to share with a bunch of people at one time. Unhappily, though...I feel like I have some bigger issues than my Stage I Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (not to encourage it to come back bigger and more deadly...I'm hoping it will stay a non-issue!). I'm doing just fine...but the cancers that have affected my life that are NOT my own have been harder for me to deal with than my own was. It's hard currently for me to think about my breast cancer year without guilt and sadness. My dad's pancreatic cancer struggle and my mother-in-law's lung cancer have really put things into perspective for me.
I hope I will keep writing, or that if I stop, that I will one day start again. Thanks for reading
and let's hope for good days ahead!
4/22/10
P.S.
I love having chickens. I never expected them to be so affectionate, so funny, have so much personality. Best $3.50 I ever spent.
They are a bit of work...but there are some big payoffs - like the way they snuggle and fall asleep in my lap, or the sight of them waddling over to me in the garden.
Also, Bill is making the most outstanding chicken coop. I'm so proud of him.
They are a bit of work...but there are some big payoffs - like the way they snuggle and fall asleep in my lap, or the sight of them waddling over to me in the garden.
Also, Bill is making the most outstanding chicken coop. I'm so proud of him.
4/5/10
Easter Sunday with family living and deceased
The Lucken children were spoiled this Easter! They were included in an Easter Egg hunt in my sister's neighborhood, which was fun. The Easter Bunny left them baskets and a multi-step scavenger hunt leading to a few extra presents. (The Easter bunny is a gifted poet! Her iambic pentameter is flawless!) Grandma Sybil, Aunt Julie, and Aunt Perry brought over the cutest things, and now our house is trashed with Easter presents, candy wrappers, and plastic eggs.
In my first attempt at (co) hosting Easter, we had two Easter Egg hunts - one for big kids and one for small kids. Total number of hidden eggs = 160
Today, I definitely feel like I overdid Easter, but I think that is understandable. It was both our first Easter without my Dad, and our first Easter with the Gibbs in town. Added to the crazy Easter festivities was Katie's family birthday party on Friday night, and I am tired! I went all out for my little family - I can't imagine how the Easter Bunny must feel!
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All 5 of us went to Mass on Easter Sunday. More than anything, following family traditions like egg hunts and Easter Sunday Mass made me feel like my parents were right there with me, celebrating Easter with my family.
My Catholic upbringing gives me a soundtrack for these holy days, and I loved that the opening song was one that I had been serenading my kids with as we looked over our Easter Baskets earlier that morning. The kids looked at me like I was magic when they heard it in church. The offertory hymn was "Morning Has Broken" - the hymn I chose as the opening hymn for my Dad's funeral. Emma remembered it, and was sad, but I explained that it's meaning was perfect for my Dad then, the way it was perfect for Jesus now - the suffering was over, it was a new and beautiful day.
I looked at my little family, and the tears rolled down my face as I whispered to them - "I am sad your grandparents are missing this [being with my kids as they grow up], but I am so happy because I feel like they are HERE."
In my first attempt at (co) hosting Easter, we had two Easter Egg hunts - one for big kids and one for small kids. Total number of hidden eggs = 160
Today, I definitely feel like I overdid Easter, but I think that is understandable. It was both our first Easter without my Dad, and our first Easter with the Gibbs in town. Added to the crazy Easter festivities was Katie's family birthday party on Friday night, and I am tired! I went all out for my little family - I can't imagine how the Easter Bunny must feel!
--------
All 5 of us went to Mass on Easter Sunday. More than anything, following family traditions like egg hunts and Easter Sunday Mass made me feel like my parents were right there with me, celebrating Easter with my family.
My Catholic upbringing gives me a soundtrack for these holy days, and I loved that the opening song was one that I had been serenading my kids with as we looked over our Easter Baskets earlier that morning. The kids looked at me like I was magic when they heard it in church. The offertory hymn was "Morning Has Broken" - the hymn I chose as the opening hymn for my Dad's funeral. Emma remembered it, and was sad, but I explained that it's meaning was perfect for my Dad then, the way it was perfect for Jesus now - the suffering was over, it was a new and beautiful day.
I looked at my little family, and the tears rolled down my face as I whispered to them - "I am sad your grandparents are missing this [being with my kids as they grow up], but I am so happy because I feel like they are HERE."
3/30/10
A very good life
I'm reflecting on something my husband said yesterday. He said that we are doing everything we can to surround ourselves with life, and it's true. We have a very alive Red Dog; we have an enormously fluffy and playful black kitten; we have 8 baby-adolescent chicks. I'm growing about 100 plants in my house because it is too cold to put any of them out in the garden. Everywhere we look, it is life, Life, LIFE!
All of that life and liveliness starts to get to a person, and you just can't help feel the enthusiasm. Hope romps around the yard for hours like that old green toy is the best thing she's ever seen. Our black kitten writhes with affectionlike she never believed she could be so happy! And the chicks - they are always stretching their little necks to see "what's that? where are we?"
How fun it is to do geometry with Emma...we are finally doing some problem solving and teaching at home that doesn't put a mommy to sleep. She got a bigger bike, and now she looks little again. Katie turns 8 on Friday, and we are starting a new adventure together in girl scouts. And, Nathan! In about 1 day, he learned how to ride Emma's now-outgrown bike. I didn't even have time to teach him, to get sore running around the neighborhood hunched over and holding a bike, time to cajole him into trying again...I "helped" him once and I couldn't even keep up! He was going around the circle into the driveway, off into the street, riding like he was born doing it.
It is very liberating to do whatever you need to do to surround yourself with life, love, and your hobbies. Sometimes I feel so non-traditional, but what a very good life.
All of that life and liveliness starts to get to a person, and you just can't help feel the enthusiasm. Hope romps around the yard for hours like that old green toy is the best thing she's ever seen. Our black kitten writhes with affectionlike she never believed she could be so happy! And the chicks - they are always stretching their little necks to see "what's that? where are we?"
How fun it is to do geometry with Emma...we are finally doing some problem solving and teaching at home that doesn't put a mommy to sleep. She got a bigger bike, and now she looks little again. Katie turns 8 on Friday, and we are starting a new adventure together in girl scouts. And, Nathan! In about 1 day, he learned how to ride Emma's now-outgrown bike. I didn't even have time to teach him, to get sore running around the neighborhood hunched over and holding a bike, time to cajole him into trying again...I "helped" him once and I couldn't even keep up! He was going around the circle into the driveway, off into the street, riding like he was born doing it.
It is very liberating to do whatever you need to do to surround yourself with life, love, and your hobbies. Sometimes I feel so non-traditional, but what a very good life.
Overheard from Nathan
"I call that Dark Guy? The guy with the dark hair, dark clothes, dark everything? I call him Dark Vader."
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