Emma has to do a writing assignment for school..."If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?" As we looked over the assignment, I tried to brainstorm with her - to make sure she was sticking to the topic, etc. We had a giant problem, though...no matter how I tried to persuade her to think of the "exciting places in the world", "the places you've visited and the places you still want to see", "what would make this new home so exciting", "what could you do in your new home that you can't do here in Michigan" (all phrases from her assignment sheet) - I could not shake her. Emma wants to always live in Bingham Farms, Michigan!
Here's what she wrote:
"If I could choose anyplace I could live I would choose to stay here. But if I could go on vacation I would go to Chicago or California to see my aunts. Let me tell you about my house. It would have comfy pillows and pretty carpet. I would live in the empty lot down the court. It has a big back yard with these bucks that go sleep there. The house also has a stream. Also it has a little place where bunnies live. I would be able to visit my parents a lot. I would get a big room just like my parents have. I could see how our puppy is doing. I would get two cats to keep me company. I would have a rocking chair in my room. I would have a great backyard where my cats could play. I would have seven bird houses and two bat houses. I would feed the deer. I would have a hummingbird feeder. I would leave nuts for the squirrels and I would have a lot of animals visiting my yard. I would love it. If I could go on vacation I would go to my cottages in Grand Bend and Bayfield."
Oh, my darling girl. I can't tell you how many times I mentioned the many places we've gone on vacation, all the places she could live, or even visit...and she only wants to live here and visit her aunts and grandparents if she vacations! I think it's so precious to have her so content with her little house and life...and I do sort of hate that I'm going to have to really work with her to make this writing piece actually fit the assignment better. All I really want is for her (and her sister and her brother) to remain such a big huge part of our daily lives - FOREVER! (just like she is writing here)- and I hate to have to make her think of other places, or other possibilities!
11/26/08
Blown away
One of the presents I give Bill for Christmas, every year (the cat is out of the bag, as I have done this for about 5 years now), is a calendar with a year's worth of pictures. Last year I started making a photo book also, as we had a lot of pictures I wanted to use. I usually start this project in early December and work like a maniac to get it finished so that it can ship in time for the big day.
This year, I've been working on our book for about a week, and I am completely BLOWN AWAY by our year. Our monthly photo folders are LOADED with fun times - from my diagnosis time in February all the way to this moment. In the middle of all of these doctors' appointments, surgeries, chemo weeks - EVERYTHING - we've managed to squeeze in so many smiles and happy times. I guess I knew I was making a bigger effort to find the fun in everyday life, but to have such tangible evidence is staggering. This year's book is going to blow last year's book, and all those calendars from the years before that, out of the water!
We've been to Disney World, to the Great Wolf Lodge, to Niagara Falls, to Evanston twice...not huge trips but still, so much fun considering what we were up against! We have loads of family party pictures, celebrating birthdays, pictures of us on everyday nature walks...we got a puppy, I have pictures at field day, swimming all summer, the cottages. I know it sounds like a normal year with nothing really supersonic, but to me, having lived through what could have been a nightmare and looking back and seeing only sunshine is amazing. (And I know, Amy, that word is overused...but aren't you AMAZED? And you should be, because all the time I spent with you and my nephew this year made it so sunshiney!)
This year, I've been working on our book for about a week, and I am completely BLOWN AWAY by our year. Our monthly photo folders are LOADED with fun times - from my diagnosis time in February all the way to this moment. In the middle of all of these doctors' appointments, surgeries, chemo weeks - EVERYTHING - we've managed to squeeze in so many smiles and happy times. I guess I knew I was making a bigger effort to find the fun in everyday life, but to have such tangible evidence is staggering. This year's book is going to blow last year's book, and all those calendars from the years before that, out of the water!
We've been to Disney World, to the Great Wolf Lodge, to Niagara Falls, to Evanston twice...not huge trips but still, so much fun considering what we were up against! We have loads of family party pictures, celebrating birthdays, pictures of us on everyday nature walks...we got a puppy, I have pictures at field day, swimming all summer, the cottages. I know it sounds like a normal year with nothing really supersonic, but to me, having lived through what could have been a nightmare and looking back and seeing only sunshine is amazing. (And I know, Amy, that word is overused...but aren't you AMAZED? And you should be, because all the time I spent with you and my nephew this year made it so sunshiney!)
11/24/08
Planning for February 18, 2009
Well, I've passed a few hurdles, post-surgery - no infection once my drains were removed, and no infection 2 weeks after surgery! (The infection started 2 weeks after my original surgery, and about 2 days after my drain was removed.) Everything is looking great; I've had two fills and we are talking about scheduling the final reconstructive surgery.
I can barely believe it...it's almost a magical turn of events. I should be ready for my final surgery around the middle of January, which is also when I will be done getting my Zometa infusions monthly (I'll go to every 3 months after the January infusion). The timing is such that I can get my port removed at the same time as I undergo that final surgery, which is great.
In another amazing turn of events, I'm writing for Trusera as a paid-stipend blogger. We definitely like getting a little stipend around here, but it does keep all of cancer-world still a little too close to me for comfort. The amazing part of all of this is not necessarily the paid-stipend part (though I like that, too!), but that my 3 month contract ends THE DAY BEFORE my one-year anniversary of diagnosis! It means within one year, I will have undergone chemotherapy and all of these surgeries (and be totally recovered, if the last one is in mid-January), my port will be gone, I'll be on Zometa every 3 months, I'll be done writing about my experience, and even Sybil will be done with her 6 rounds of chemo.
That's A LOT of stuff to have taken place in one year, but isn't it amazing that it is compactly-fitting into those 365 days? I (of course) know I will be dealing with this cancer, and my BRCA+ status, for my whole life, but I like the possibility of it being one year of utter craziness. I wouldn't even want all of my cancer stuff to go away, if I could have that happen - I have learned too much, grown, made such great friends - but it will be nice to have this chunk of it behind me!
Anyway, I am planning for my "New Year"...and thinking that I'm always going to make February 18th my own little "New Year's Day". It's my way of turning around an anniversary that could have meant a lot of sadness and bad feelings, into a day of celebration. I am proud of the person I am becoming through cancer, and thankful for my friends and family who have supported me through this. Plus, in a realistic way, each time I make it past that cancer anniversary without incident is a very big reason to celebrate...triple negative breast cancer has a higher rate of recurrence for the first 3 years. After 5 years, though, the rate of recurrence decreases dramatically...and after 8 years, some research shows that it goes to near-zero.
I don't really feel like waiting around and worrying about my cancer coming back for the next 2 and 1/4 years - 7 1/4 years, so I'm making Pam's New Year's Day count. THIS year, I begged Bill to throw his caution to the wind (now that we are almost done, we are really starting to rein in the finances which we were NOT doing 9 months ago) and to plan a fun vacation for us. He must really think I am going to live forever, because I had to really whine about it in a way I would NOT have had to whine about it 9 months ago. So, a few days after Pam's New Year we are heading off to Roatan, an island in Honduras, to swim with dolphins, snorkel, scuba dive, and be warm. (Don't you want to come celebrate Pam's New Year's Day with us? My husband can tell you how to do it for a reasonable price...)
I can barely believe it...it's almost a magical turn of events. I should be ready for my final surgery around the middle of January, which is also when I will be done getting my Zometa infusions monthly (I'll go to every 3 months after the January infusion). The timing is such that I can get my port removed at the same time as I undergo that final surgery, which is great.
In another amazing turn of events, I'm writing for Trusera as a paid-stipend blogger. We definitely like getting a little stipend around here, but it does keep all of cancer-world still a little too close to me for comfort. The amazing part of all of this is not necessarily the paid-stipend part (though I like that, too!), but that my 3 month contract ends THE DAY BEFORE my one-year anniversary of diagnosis! It means within one year, I will have undergone chemotherapy and all of these surgeries (and be totally recovered, if the last one is in mid-January), my port will be gone, I'll be on Zometa every 3 months, I'll be done writing about my experience, and even Sybil will be done with her 6 rounds of chemo.
That's A LOT of stuff to have taken place in one year, but isn't it amazing that it is compactly-fitting into those 365 days? I (of course) know I will be dealing with this cancer, and my BRCA+ status, for my whole life, but I like the possibility of it being one year of utter craziness. I wouldn't even want all of my cancer stuff to go away, if I could have that happen - I have learned too much, grown, made such great friends - but it will be nice to have this chunk of it behind me!
Anyway, I am planning for my "New Year"...and thinking that I'm always going to make February 18th my own little "New Year's Day". It's my way of turning around an anniversary that could have meant a lot of sadness and bad feelings, into a day of celebration. I am proud of the person I am becoming through cancer, and thankful for my friends and family who have supported me through this. Plus, in a realistic way, each time I make it past that cancer anniversary without incident is a very big reason to celebrate...triple negative breast cancer has a higher rate of recurrence for the first 3 years. After 5 years, though, the rate of recurrence decreases dramatically...and after 8 years, some research shows that it goes to near-zero.
I don't really feel like waiting around and worrying about my cancer coming back for the next 2 and 1/4 years - 7 1/4 years, so I'm making Pam's New Year's Day count. THIS year, I begged Bill to throw his caution to the wind (now that we are almost done, we are really starting to rein in the finances which we were NOT doing 9 months ago) and to plan a fun vacation for us. He must really think I am going to live forever, because I had to really whine about it in a way I would NOT have had to whine about it 9 months ago. So, a few days after Pam's New Year we are heading off to Roatan, an island in Honduras, to swim with dolphins, snorkel, scuba dive, and be warm. (Don't you want to come celebrate Pam's New Year's Day with us? My husband can tell you how to do it for a reasonable price...)
11/21/08
A conversation with Nathan
(As I squeeze and kiss him uncontrollably...)
Me: "What do you think of your mom?"
Nathan: "A crazy girl"
Me: "What do you think of your mom?"
Nathan: "A crazy girl"
11/17/08
Here are two (belated) Halloween pictures of Emma, on her teacher's Flickr site...the wholesome Betsy Ross is my daughter!
Wondering how I can be so happy...
when my children are such unhappy little wild animals?
Nathan: "Katie, you're such a djerk!"
Emma: "Do I ever tell YOU to go to YOUR room when you are yelling too much?" (Directed to me, after I sent her to her room for yelling too much!)
Katie: (silently running around wreaking havoc, giggling uncontrollably as she bothers people, and then crying when they react in a manner that is unfavorable to her)
But I am happy, nonetheless! The house is clean, the plastic surgeon couldn't pull out any additional fluid from around my surgery site, my puppy is not as big an idiot as I was expecting, and the kids are pretty great, even if they are demonic at the moment. My husband is truly number one - so helpful, so giving, so cute when he doles out my 20 vitamins a day.
Plus, why not be happy? In the back of my mind, I know I have the BRCA1 genetic defect, I know I had breast cancer, I know what *could* lie ahead. So I'm just so happy to be healthy and feeling great for the moment, and I'm going to hope this goes on endlessly!
Emma is hoping that for me, too...at recess in the art room the other day, she and her friends made me a giant poster based on one of my favorite lines from a song by The Killers. She wrote down the quote: "And if I pave my streets with good times, will the mountains keep on giving?" (yes, same quote from the masthead of this blog...) Underneath that line she wrote, "For my Mom they will!"
Nathan: "Katie, you're such a djerk!"
Emma: "Do I ever tell YOU to go to YOUR room when you are yelling too much?" (Directed to me, after I sent her to her room for yelling too much!)
Katie: (silently running around wreaking havoc, giggling uncontrollably as she bothers people, and then crying when they react in a manner that is unfavorable to her)
But I am happy, nonetheless! The house is clean, the plastic surgeon couldn't pull out any additional fluid from around my surgery site, my puppy is not as big an idiot as I was expecting, and the kids are pretty great, even if they are demonic at the moment. My husband is truly number one - so helpful, so giving, so cute when he doles out my 20 vitamins a day.
Plus, why not be happy? In the back of my mind, I know I have the BRCA1 genetic defect, I know I had breast cancer, I know what *could* lie ahead. So I'm just so happy to be healthy and feeling great for the moment, and I'm going to hope this goes on endlessly!
Emma is hoping that for me, too...at recess in the art room the other day, she and her friends made me a giant poster based on one of my favorite lines from a song by The Killers. She wrote down the quote: "And if I pave my streets with good times, will the mountains keep on giving?" (yes, same quote from the masthead of this blog...) Underneath that line she wrote, "For my Mom they will!"
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