I'm having a hard time believing all of the events of the past 2-3 weeks are true. Could it really be that my Dad actually died? I know people who have been teetering on the edge of life for decades now...so it seems totally unreal that my Dad could have gone from really actively living to taking his last breath in a matter of weeks. And could it really be that my MOST intrepid, and most wonderful, and most loving cat lost her final battle, too? Neither of those two things make sense to me.

I also can't figure out how I can possibly close up the huge gaping holes in me, that these two individuals left behind. Yes, I know that it is the way of life for generations to pass...but with no living biological parents I sort of feel like the bull's eye is on me right now, and that is something I do not wish for with all of my heart. And yes, I know and always knew that my Nanners would not last forever...but it seems absolutely impossible that there is another cat out there who could ever come close to replacing her. (Before anyone tells me it will happen...know that it won't. No other cat will sleep on my huge pregnant belly...and I'm praying I'll not need another chemo companion, either.)

The holes are one thing I feel badly about, but there are other things bothering me as well. For example, I hate this, but I feel a little relieved that all of the suffering is over...and even Emma said something like that today: "At least the hard parts are over."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that THEIR hard parts are over, but ours are just beginning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you have to experience yet another loss at this time. If I remember correctly, Annie was the cat that my quiet little Mariah was so fond of when she was a little toddler. We are holding you all in our thoughts in prayers.