She's coming back to life...

I think I did this last round of chemo as well as I could have done it, and the best of any of the rounds so far. First of all, I tried to stay optimistic. Secondly, and maybe most importantly, I decided to NOT take one of the anti-nausea drugs (Decadron, a steroid) though the nurses and my oncologist did not recommend that. I felt a little more queasy this time, but it was never serious, and I avoided some of the nasty side effects like the miserable black depression, the insomnia, the constipation... I think that some people experience nausea worse than I do, because without the extra drug I was more nauseous but I could still eat and didn't vomit, etc. Walking helped so poor Dagny walked a lot on Saturday with me, and sleeping helped so I took a 3 hour nap!

I also had the joy of having my little nephew here for the first days of chemo, and my niece here for the last days of the fallout, so that may have tempered the misery somewhat (and my amazing sisters and brother-in-law). I do really wish I was feeling GREAT when I had the chance to see them, and not yucky and tired, but I'm happy to have the chance at all, and I'm incredibly glad that1) the babies won't remember me being yucky and tired and 2) they aren't scared of my bald head. Emma, Katie and Nathan had the best time with their family...it has been such a blessing to have my sisters and their families around!

I even managed to see Emma at her Middle East feast (My sweet husband went to volunteer in my place! It was so cute to see him there), to be at girls' first swim meet (on Friday night, no less, which isn't an easy night for me), and to hold my nephew on the yucky Saturday, which believe it or not, is a huge accomplishment for yucky Saturday.

- Let me take a little break here to say how proud I am of the girls for their first swim meet of the season, and I'm especially proud of Katie! It was a stretch to put her on the regular team this year, and I knew that but right when I was supposed to be getting her some lessons to be ready for the team I got my diagnosis. I still wanted her to try to be on the team, though as 1) it is fun, and a great way to see other kids and get exercise in the summer 2) she has to go to everything anyway because Emma is on it, and 3) I can't be at the pool all summer, with my bald head and one fake breast, and every 3rd week being a chemo week - so pre-team wasn't an option for her with it's later practices. Anyway, I watched her hang on the wall all week, but when it came time for her races she made it down the lane and got out of the pool with a smile on her face!

So anyway, it is now Tuesday night and while I don't feel perfect, I at least made it. It wasn't as horrible as it has been (chemo week), but let's just say that I really want to vomit if I even think of the oncologist's office, or the IV's, the syringe of horrible red adriamycin is causing me bad flashbacks, and I wouldn't wish TAC chemotherapy on my worst enemy, if I had one. I'm just going to hope to live the next two weeks like I DON'T have to do it again. It's a little bit of a challenge after feeling so dead, to not think of myself as a cancer patient*, or to feel a little sorry for myself! Luckily my aunt reminded me, when I needed it the most, that I'm doing this for insurance, that I'm NOT sick. I should go tell my neighbor that I AM going to make it, after all.

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