I'm annoying myself by being upset about my lack of hair, yet being totally unwilling to do anything about it. Do I, or do I not have, a fully functional (and relatively expensive) wig upstairs in my closet, just begging to be worn? Do I, or do I not have, about 15-20 hats (yes, that is extravagant, but I have received lots of gifts...plus remember how I was throwing money around when I was first diagnosed?) just waiting to be worn? Yes, I do have all of these things.
YET, I INSIST on walking around with my head of nearly-no-hair, and then being upset about it, just about all the time. I hate the way I look with this hair, or lack thereof. I don't want any of the attention about how it is growing, etc. And I could do something about it, but I am refusing! I want to just smack myself...I'm acting just like my young daughters, crying about something they could so easily fix, but wanting to just cry about it without fixing the problem.
The thing is, I feel like I should be well-adjusted enough to like these hairs on my head, no matter how short they are. Every other young breast cancer survivor I know is so cute and confident with her short hair, and I am determined to be that strong, too...but failing miserably. I am absolutely convinced that I am a huge baby about this hair, and the part of me that is convinced of that is in an epic battle of wills with the part of me that just wants to look girly again.
The huge baby is winning! ARGH.