Still here, quietly celebrating anniversaries...

I don't think I would mind if I just floated off into oblivion and kept living my life off the radar - remember back in the day when I just wanted to be invisible, and my baldness was keeping me from feeling that way? And I feel badly for not wanting to be more of a cancer activist - maybe someday, but it feels too good to be a regular person! Of course I can't wait to walk the 3-day...my favorite weekend of the year...but other than that, I am still celebrating the things I couldn't do last year at this time.

For example, yesterday was the anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy. I celebrated by getting dirt for my gardens and taking my crazed wild beast for a 4 mile run! A year ago today I was resting with drain tubes, and popping Vicodin. Today Bill is the patient on Vicodin (oral surgery he had today), and I am the girl who gets to fill prescriptions and buy the soup for the patient!!!!!!

And it just goes on and on...each day over the past 2 months I've been celebrating anniversaries - on Bill's birthday this year I was in Roatan, instead of at U of M getting a second opinion. And all this week I've been ripping up the yard, each day knowing I am doing something I could not have done last year at this time. This year, I have NOTHING that should stand in my way from doing whatever crazy thing I desire (current project is building more raised beds - one for every family member for their own "gardens"~!). Oh WAIT, except for motherhood and all of the trappings of daily life.

That's not to say I'm just skipping around gloriously, all day long...part of the problem with normal day-to-day life is that your minor problems are elevated to major problems, in the absence of having anything major to worry about. My minor problem is always the lingering mood issues I've come to embrace as my closest enemy. Breast cancer was almost a nice respite from depression/anxiety - my schedule necessitated breaks from reality so there was almost a break from the stress that brings it all on. But that is just a minor thing (easy to say now that I am on the upswing again - and that's also why I'm writing again! I'm either too busy to write, or too worked up to write. This week I was both, in turn)...and how nice to just have minor issues!

No comments: