Don't be fooled by this smile (on me) - Nathan's is real, though

Have you seen this smile before? I'm good at it. I can put it on, even in the middle of lots of sadness. For example, here I am, having cried just before this - last weekend. It was one of the sadder weekends of my life...with I'm sure more to come. We are coming to grips with my Dad's suffering and trying to help with it.

The thought that keeps coming to my head is this: I feel like my life is full of so many precious gifts, given to me by God. I feel so lucky to have had them, but it hurts like hell to have to give them all back.

But I still wouldn't forsake even one of my gifts, despite the misery of losing them. I just hope my stupid, addled memory will help me remember some of the things I've had when they are all gone.

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