Living with fear

I'm two days out of my "last" surgery...that means I should be happy, right? Well, darling internet, life has other ideas for me, apparently. As much as I would love to go into detail and pour my heart out, these details aren't mine to share, and the health worries aren't mine to share. And let me just say, it is SO SO SO much easier to be the patient than it is to not be the patient (at least for me). So though I would rather it be that I had my own health issues coming back, this time it's not me.

Anyway, I'm back to living with fear again...and I feel like I need a step-by-step program to get me through the next days ahead. I know hard things happen all the time to all sorts of people, but right now I feel like my family has been hit pretty hard by the universe in general - and that's no way to feel or to live. So Mrs. Lucken is going to try to look deeper, and live more committedly, which is going to be challenging given the days ahead.

Luckily I've got some great examples to learn from - people who have really lived their lives, set their goals, fit in hard work with lots of fun times, taken challenges and responsibilities that were really above and beyond what many of their peers might have had to face at that time in their lives. They've lived with great joy and purpose - more joy and purpose than I certainly have, thus far.

So in this period of waiting, and fear, and great love, I'm going to try harder to focus on goals, and rising to challenges, and above all, the little joys. Because again, I can't really control what happens to me, but I can control how I react to it (or at least I hope I can!).

1 comment:

Ellyn said...

Thinking about you. Take care!!