I tried acupuncture this past Monday, which was interesting. I think it would have been more interesting if I hadn't been feeling like total garbage during the acupuncture session...but the whole purpose was to pull me out of the feeling of total garbage, and I think it did work to a certain extent. I had feelings sort of similar to the feelings I had during my Healing Touch therapy session on Friday - really strange images were popping up in my head, random, sort of unsettling images but just as I was able to focus in on the image it was gone and another was in its place. This certainly wasn't normal for me, at least with Healing Touch (I usually can tell what I am feeling, and concentrate, and stay with my intention to heal...this last time I actually caught myself snoring instead, whoops!), but I think it is a testament to how wacked out chemotherapy can make a person.

It was my first time with acupuncture, though, and for those who have never tried it before, this is what it was like: I met with the acupuncturist, discussed my symptoms (acupuncture works to help your qi, or vital energy, to flow, and the acupuncture points relate to symptoms the person is currently feeling), she checked my tongue (don't know what she saw), I put on the gown, got on the table, and she started inserting the needles. The needles were fairly long, thin, and flexible, and when she put them in it felt more like she was flicking the needles into me. I would guess she used about 20. The flicking/insertion didn't hurt much - actually not at all in most of the spots, maybe a little in a few more sensitive spots. I had needles in my legs, my hand, on my abdomen, in my ears!, and one on the top of my head! I went in with my biggest symptoms being depression and constipation, so she was picking spots on me to help with those.

After the needles were in, I was told to lie still for about 25 minutes or so, and that I might feel any of a number of different ways. For most of the time I wasn't able to focus on anything in particular...it was like someone was changing channels on the television before I could even tell what was going on. I was probably lying there for more than 15 minutes when I suddenly felt almost a burst of energy or thought...a moment where I felt like maybe I WAS coming back to life. I had an incredible urge to throw away all of my cancer books...almost so much of an urge that I wanted to get up and leave right then so that I could get rid of everything I have that reminds me of cancer. I feel like that was something significant: I've been in and out of depression before, and I know I am coming around when my urge to get rid of things comes on nice and strong! Anger at something is better for me than depression (the feeling like nothing is worth anything, like the world is just all dark and blank and nothing matters), and one of my favorite ways of purging emotion is to get rid of possessions...I just call up the Veterans, they usually can pick up the next day!

Anyway, I felt the urge, but it waned... I stayed on the table like a dutiful patient, and finished the session. I was still depressed, constipated, and tired, so there was no fast miracle cure...But I still maintain that with the state I was in going into the session (I'd never met this woman before in my life and I was weeping almost as soon as we started talking!) , any burst of thought or feeling coming out of me was progression in a small way, and I'll try acupuncture again. I can use all the help I can get to make it through the next 4 rounds!

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