During the days leading up to chemo, I feel like I'm getting ready to leave on a trip (a really bad trip). I'm of course not going anywhere, but for the 5-6 days after chemo it feels like I can only count on part of me being here, and I float in and out of the situation. One thing is for certain: Pam may or may not be around, but MOM will be partially absent as she recovers. That woman does a lot of stuff, and so there are preparations for her absence!
So the few days before chemo Thursday are days filled with almost manic preparation. I'm furiously getting ready to be out of commission for the next 5-6 days or so - shopping for the food the kids need, checking over the calendar and making sure I have all their school stuff together for the next 5 school days, bathing the household, making sure the pets all have enough food for the next week, their nails are clipped, the cages and boxes cleaned, cleaning the house, doing all the laundry, getting the guest room ready, buying my People magazine, stocking up on pineapple (the only thing I know I will like after chemo), filling the meds, changing the sheets on the bed, tivo-ing anything remotely interesting...
It does feel good to get everything in order, but then I am kind of gone for 5-6 days, and invariably things unravel a bit, so that once I am feeling better I go into ANOTHER manic overdrive to put things back together again. After the last round I had to call my parents, who kept calling and calling, to reassure them that I was not having big problems...I was just so busy doing things I missed when I was out of it that I wasn't stopping to email or return calls.
I worried that I would be so sedentary all summer, but it seems like things are not like that at all...my life is just jam-packed into 2 weeks, and then I take a week off from it. It almost sounds nice, and would be, if I wasn't feeling like such garbage during that off week! The last two times, I WAS kind of looking forward to the break from responsibility, but by now I have become more wise and know what I have to deal with is going to be far worse than the responsibility of of being MOM.
Wish me luck, and send some prayers starting on Thursday, and over the weekend! After I come through everything I will be halfway done with chemo!