Katie had her 6-year old's doctor appointment today. I wasn't sure how I'd feel going there - I didn't want my health stuff to become part of her appointment. I know that is their future now - instead of saying they got their height from their mom they will be wondering what ELSE they got from her, every health history they have to write down in their adulthood will be filled with my cancer info, and doctors will look at their chart and then look at them a lot differently. I just didn't want it to start now!
So, I went in with my wig on...hoping to ward off any questions. We haven't been to the pediatrician's office much, and it is a giant practice so we haven't really made a relationship with any particular physician. I like one of them, but we weren't seeing him. I figured I could pull off the wig just fine.
Imagine my surprise when the first thing the pediatrician says is something like it's been a long time, Katie is much older (maybe I saw her with Katie 3 years ago, maybe), and I look different (better? I almost think she thought I looked better), I've done something much different with my hair! I think I could have smiled and said yes, I started doing my hair, thanks.
Of course I'm not that happy in the wig so I blurted out the whole cancer story, quickly, and we went on with the appointment. She was very physician-like about it, not very affected (unlike my OB/GYN, who is still derailed by this, I think), same as usual to Katie. I thought I was fine about being "caught" with my wig, too.
But then I went to check out and caught the receptionist reprimanding Katie for pushing up onto the counter to look for a lollipop. I sassed that poor woman so badly ("I am sure you see a lot of children, but it is not appropriate for you to reprimand my daughter. What is appropriate for you to do is to mention the problem to her PARENT, and expect the parent to address the matter as the parent deems fit. I will most certainly discuss this with Katie as I also feel it is wrong for her to jump up on the counter. Thank you and I hope you have a nice rest of the day."). I must have been a bit more upset about revealing the cancer story again than I realized I would be when I revealed it!
*btw, she WAS using a mean voice. I think I may have been fine with a nice gentle reprimand, or something with a note of concern in her voice. But she sounded mean, and though Katie was fine, I do not do well when people are mean to others in my family - children, sisters, husband - I lose it and become a monster. Plus, though this is sort of annoying of me, I knew that once she started saying mean things about me after I left (because you know that is exactly what would happen) the pediatrician would come out and tell the woman I was going through chemo and then the woman would at least feel that I had other reasons for being a snot. Using the cancer! How low have I sunk!