Well, my "bad weekend" is drawing to a close. I think I did better with this round of chemo (wouldn't be hard to do), but I still feel mostly dead, like the chemo just sucks the life and the spark right out of me. I don't think I've ever felt so old in my whole life.
I don't know if the sadness that comes in on Sunday is a physiological result of the chemo, or an emotional result of me not wanting to ever have to do this again and knowing that I have 4 more to do. (On Thursday that number seemed so small and now it seems so large.) I suppose it doesn't matter...I only hope the sadness goes away like it creeps in.
I do have to say, that though I don't feel so lucky right now, or so happy, most of the weekend I was feeling lucky and happy to have this family (including my sister and my nephew...Amy spent her very first Mother's Day taking care of my family. Can you think of anything sadder or more kind?). It does help to fall asleep holding the hands of two of your children when you are not feeling good. It does help to get sloppy kisses from your little son, and to hear your daughter chattering away happily to her aunt.
I also should mention that the side effects were a little easier...probably drinking 20 glasses of water the first day helped, and then the Healing Touch Therapy, and I also used Motrin more for the bone pain, which may have helped a bit with the nausea too (do you know how sometimes pain can make you feel nauseous?). So if you know anyone who has to do this, suggest lots of water, and Motrin, and rest. And sloppy kisses and holding hands.