As I've often mentioned, I've been OVERWHELMED by the outpouring of love and kindness for little old me (probably not deserved, y'all) and for my family (definitely well-deserved, as this point in my life has made more clear than ever).
It is so easy to let things cloud out all the beauty in the world, and especially, all the beauty in people. I've really always felt that there was a lot of goodness and beauty in the world, and tried to teach my daughters that, especially - but of course like everyone else I was SO OFTEN mired in all of the junk, too. I told Bill today that I don't think I would really go back to my pre-cancerous state, because I've learned a lot in the last month and it's been a gift to me to be reunited with the beauty and the love that was in me or other people. I have two analogies - one is that I had layers of useless junk and worries over my real feelings, and the cancer stripped those off so quickly and now I am more in touch with how much I love everything. The other is that I'm like a camera that just received a new, totally awesome lens which helps me to focus in on the good, more easily.
I can be so clueless that I have no doubt it would have needed to be something big to change my stubborn way of thinking about myself. But - wouldn't it be better than great if I could share some of this newfound self-acceptance with people? I am sure that I'm not the only person who has had problems thinking she was good enough (whatever that is) all too often. Wouldn't it be amazing if others can learn to love themselves for who they are vicariously, through me and my learnings?
The other thing I would love to share is how much goodness there is here in the world, in other people. I'm pretty quick as a person to fall in love with other people and to think they are "the best ever", so I'm not as amazed that people are so wonderful at this time in my life (more just surprised that they could be so nice to me). But I know that it can be so easy to be suspicious, or competitive, or insecure, or blind...and I feel duty-bound to share with everyone some of the experiences I've had over the past month that really highlight the goodness that is in other people.
So, I'm going to figure out a format for this, but I'll start tonight with some things that people have said and done that really just highlight the fact that there is God and goodness in everyone...maybe tonight I'll start out with favorite quotes and hope to figure out something better soon.
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1 comment:
Pam-
Often in this blog and in our conversations you have mentioned your previous negativity. I have never thought of you as a paticularly negative person. (I am the pessimist!!)
You have also been someone who has looked on the bright side of things, and found the positives in the negative situations. Perhaps your new outlook is in your more personal feelings, things you don't show to the world. But to me, you have always been a happy, optimistic, "Finding the silver lining in the cloud" sort of person. Which is one of the many, many things I adore about you.
your sister amk
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