Who can believe it? Despite all of my concerns, my rantings, my whinings, my worryings, I've been leading a most unsedentary life. We had a great weekend - full of outside time, soccer games, projects, nature walks... And even more than that, it ends up that I am maybe 6 weeks post-mastectomy/initial reconstruction and I can lie on my side when I sleep, I don't have pain, my chest feels normal, I can lift things, I can garden, I can push around a wheelbarrow filled with all kinds of things, I've done all my training for the 3-day walk so far (though last year I didn't even sign up for the walk until the summer, so I know this isn't a big deal). What a relief!
I had tried to prepare myself for a spring and summer when I wouldn't even recognize myself, but now it looks like I'll only not recognize myself because I'll be bald...but at least I'll still be able to do just about every single thing I like to do. I'm so glad - if it is less than 6 weeks before I feel cozy in my body again I'm no longer afraid of having another expander put in when it comes time to do that in the fall. And if chemo is misery for a few days but for the other days I can do whatever I want, then I think I can handle that also. SO this year won't be a totally bad year - I will just have more hard days than usual but they aren't even the majority of the days. It seems much more possible when you know you aren't giving up everything - just maybe 25 more bad days and a head of hair.
Regarding the hair, maybe our family should go camping this summer. With this stringy blond hair of mine, I always want a shower so it doesn't feel greasy...but this summer I won't have any hair so I'll not have that to worry about. I should call Bill and tell him to schedule all the back-country camping trips he wants for this summer, fall, and next spring before my stringy hair is back!